


Survival tips for Nest rookies

by JValentino



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: I made them - Freeform, Idk how AO3 works help, Nest base, No specific continuity, Random side characters - Freeform, Shenanigans, honk the horn, this was far too entertaining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24409213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JValentino/pseuds/JValentino
Summary: Whoever decided the Nest base should be so closely connected with the Autobots probably should’ve considered a training manual. Lucky for us someone else did the honours.Good luck.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I got the Survival tips from https://the-autobot-headquarters-archive.tumblr.com/ so the credit goes to them!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. Survival Tip #1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written a transformers fic in ages. I’m trying to use ao3 more or post stuff since I enjoy reading here so much.
> 
> Please check out the Tumblr blog from the summary for the survival tips, as well as their new blog!

**#1. Be aware of the parking area with any black GMC’s. Ironhide likes to honk his horn when distracted rooks pass by with coffee. ******

Most officers find it somewhat amusing. Bug eyed new recruits scurrying through the bustle of on base life, fussing with uniforms stained with hot beverages. Some had tried to talk him out of the behaviour but Ironhide always sought to teach a lesson.

Per a new training protocol the rookies would be testing new tactical gear. Designed to track Decepticon signals, the science team (both Autobot and human) were particularly excited to see it work. 

Thus most of the early morning had been designated to said testing, with a squad of fresh new rookies assigned for both testing and training. If the tech worked, having a squad trained to use it already would be beneficial in the long run. Plus it meant Lennox could train them generally as they went along.

But apparently some rookies really didn’t see themselves as morning folk, stumbling tiredly through loud double doors still wiping sleep from their eyes. Arguably 5 a.m is an early wake up time one has to adjust to, but Lennox really didn’t see that as a fair excuse. They’d chosen to be here, they knew the risks. 

Beside him, Epps stifled a laugh.

“What?” Lennox mildly snapped, focused more on the head count. They were missing a few recruits.

“I see that look. You’re all grumpy cause the rookies ain’t all as diligent as you yet.” Epps teased, amusedly slapping Lennox on the shoulder. “We’ve still got time, we ain’t due for briefing for another few minutes. The stragglers will catch up.” Still, Lennox’s brow creased in light irritation. 

Given how large and relatively open this end of the base was to accommodate for the Autobots Lennox could easily see rookies coming in through the double doors at the opposite end. Even with the total headcount there were still missing faces.

“Do we know who’s missing?” Now was the time he wished he could learn rookies faces quicker. He couldn’t tell just from the names who was where.

One rookies shouted up, “Pretty sure Jackson and Ceder were still up in the mess hall. Said something about coffee?” Great. He was waiting on someone getting their off brand Starbucks fix. 

They were going to cut it close at this rate. Lennox should've been calling the rookies up ready for the brief. And there was no hint of either recruit. By now Jazz and Bumblebee had rolled up nearby the hanger exit to accompany the squad, idling their engines. Lennox was almost tempted to call in for a search when double doors swung open.

The estranged pair ambled in, matching coffees in hand. One pulled on a pair of dark sunglasses while the other hauled his beaten cap over his hair. Both walked with an idle air to them, sporting matching lazy grins.

“Gentlemen,” Lennox called to them, “what, do we not understand how to follow a schedule? We’re looking at a serious delay because of you pair.” By now they should have been geared up and ready to leave. But apparently not.

“We were only getting coffee sir.” Sunglasses shrugged. The sir was tacked onto the end, almost forgotten except as an attempt at placating his superior. Given the current scowl on Lennox’s face it hadn’t worked.

“So, what, it takes you ten extra minutes to get coffee and ur ass to training?” He glanced down to the cups. “Are you still drinking those?” From beside him Epps waved off an approaching soldier. Better not to interrupt this. Lennox was pissed, and for a good reason. 

“The stupid machine broke, outdated piece of crap.” Cap bemoaned, taking a heavy sip of his drink. “It’s only coffee boss. It’s not like it really matters, right?” How such lax rookies got here Lennox would never know.

Epps was just considering stepping in to try helping his now furious friend when someone else decided they would instead.

Horn thundering, Ironhide pulled out sharply behind the lazy  
pair with headlights flashing aggressively. Shocked shouts were silent under the sheer volume of the horns, mouths agape as the coffee shot upwards in a fountain of murky sadness. Hot liquid hit the ground from one crushed cup, the other splashing mercilessly over the pair, soaking and staining uniforms down to even their trousers. Sunglasses were whipped off, with cap’s face scrunching up. Amongst the surrounding chorus of laughter their frustration could be heard.

“Well now you don’t have any coffee to distract you from grabbing spare uniforms.” Turning sharply on his heel Lennox called to the rest of the squad. “Let’s get a move on!” With a final melancholy grunt the pair scuttled around their commander to finally join their group. 

Ironhide idled as Lennox approached. “Thanks Hide’” he patted the GMC’s hood. His engine gave a solid rev in response. 

“Good luck with those punks,” Ironhide Chuckled. “Reminds me of some younglings I’ve had to deal with myself.” He rumbled fondly.

Eyeing up the squad, Lennox just grinned. “I’ll have to ask you about that sometime then.”


	2. Survival Tip #2

**#2. The Autobots should not be looked upon as behavioural role models under any circumstance. ******

Part of staying undercover on Earth meant that unfortunately bots couldn’t always simply leave the base. Not without reason, such as patrol or escorting human allies.

This often leads to a level or stir craziness within the base. Sure they got out in patrols and had loads of space between the Ark and the Nest base, but even then things would begin to feel stale. Especially on prolonged waiting between any Decepticon activity. For energetic frontliners like Sideswipe there was never quite enough to keep him occupied. So came the pranks. 

He wasn’t the only one by far. Jazz had certainly had his fair share of fun, and Wheeljack had to have at least been an accomplice in some given the odd devices. Still, the biggest was Sideswipe by far. Not that knowing particularly helped catch or avoid him.

Prowl sighed in frustration, half shuddering as it caught in his vents. By Primus it was too early for this. Did Sideswipe even recharge?

“It’s not so bad Prowl!” Bluestreak chirped, a hopeful look crossing his features. He was smiling, if a touch forced. But it was bad. 

From a side hole blown in the Ark the American Military has set up part of the Nest base to attach, giving easy access between places. This came with a fairly large hallway built down so to reach flat ground.

Training with the Nest soldiers was fairly common practice with that hanger often acting as a hub for meeting. Just this morning a small team of Autobots had been set up to scout for Con activity further north with a squad of humans. So they had ventured to wait in the connecting hanger.

Prowl pinched his chevron. Of course it wasn’t so simple.

Above the automatic doors had been an overhand where a few of the doors inner components shifted upwards to work said doors. This left the perfect t space for a certain red lambo to place his newest trap.

Across the floor large now empty cans were strewn, dripping the dregs or whatever was left of their contents. Everything else was a bright, offensively opaque shade of blue from the ground and up the nearest walls. Feathers were littered around, those not sticky with paint still floating around. And the glitter, thick chunks of gold, topped it all off.

It was arguably a simpler prank. That did not change the sheer carnage over the hanger.

Cliffjumper equally shared Prowl’s sentiment, muttering angrily wine aimlessly attempting to pick away as many feathers as possible before too much paint dried. Hound had mostly taken it in stride, calling for someone to fetch the hose while Trailbreaker idled beside him. Sunstreaker was pissed.

“Sideswipe!” He bellowed, rage seeping through his irate EM field. From inside the Ark manic laughter could be heard.

“I tried to tell you!” From up the hall Sideswipe leaned against the wall, laughter cutting between his words. “You should’ve seen your faces!”

With only a huffy growl as warning the yellow twin charged up to Sideswipe, dragging his twin to the floor in a headlock. Prowl watched as the pair squallbed, smearing more blue across the floor and now Sideswipe. Someone laughed from beside him. Looking down he spotted a Neat soldier he didn’t fully recognise.

“That was a good prank!” The soldier exclaimed with a grin, continuing to chuckle heartily. “I should ask for tips!”

“Do not use Sideswipe as a model for acceptable behaviour.” Prowl groused, shaking his helm as said mech squared something rude to his brother. 

Fragging twins. They would be the end of him surely. Or at least Sideswipe would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter! Wrote this pretty quickly. It’s been a good way to take my mind off things and do something fun and quick. This is just me writing it and typing it and posting. So it might not always make sense. But still! Fun!


	3. Survival Tip #4

**#4. If you have a debriefing with Agent Fowler, or Director Mearing, or Prowl, make sure to grab something to eat first. You’ll be there a while. ******

Arguable the best time to grab something from the mess hall was between the two main lunch shifts. There was far less rush to get in before the first shift, and they put out fresh stuff ready for the second where there were ten blessed minutes of peaceful eating. Having your schedule open up for those ten renowned minutes was renowned as a surge in luck amongst soldiers. 

Having the mess hall so big was also a perk since it meant bots could join the soldiers to eat, like Ironhide sometimes did with Lennox. Verity has argued that it improved human - Autobot relationships. She certainly enjoyed their presence there as good company. Still, a lot still fuled up in the Ark.

Halloway dragged his try over to the partly occupied table, plonking himself down next to Bluestreak. The paradigm smiled, doorwings fluttering happily. 

“Hi there Joseph!” He greeted cheerfully. “Or should I call you Halloway? Anyway are you here for the second lunch shift? You’re kinda early. But I guess so am I.” 

“Hey Blue I’ve got a debrief next shift after training last shift so we got given time for stuff so I’m eating now.” He’d been as quick as he could to get cleaned up and run here. Opening the packet he tore into his sandwich, hunger setting in.

“Oh cool! Wasn’t it the one about seekers? Some of the Aerialbots had mentioned it. Are you guys learning to fight the seekers? That would be really cool! But also pretty dangerous.” He worried his lip. “I know you’re all tougher than we thought as organics but I wouldn’t want you guys to get hurt!” His doorwings were twitching with anxiety. 

“They won’t leave any squads alone to mess with those seekers,” Jack remarked, pushing the remainder of his food around the plate. “You guys will be there to help, like prowl in tactics and you with that aim of yours.” He spoke with the ease of someone well accustomed to both the Autobots and fighting the Decepicons. And from his experience he probably was.

Verity laughed as she walked over, patting Halloway on the back. “Uncle Mags probably wouldn’t let us fight any cons on our own.” She glances at the clock. “Anyone free about now? I’ve got some work to do but I wouldn’t mind some company.” 

“I got debrief with Mearing so maybe I can later?” Halloway shrugged to himself.

“Oh good I’ll have someone better to listen to than her.” Seemingly out of nowhere Ceder strolled by, settling himself to lean against the table end. His hat still showed the coffee stains of a certain incident, even dulled by washing.

“You getting lunch then?” If he was quick they would both still make it to the debrief on time.

“Nah I can get it later, second lunch shift and all. Good food and the company of the lads will put that witch outta my mind.” He sneered, almost growling as he himself checked his watch for the time. Most people didn’t like Director Mearing even in passing so Halloway couldn’t blame Ceder. Even if he was much louder about his distaste than others.

“You think you’ll get out before the end of the second lunch shift?” Jack snorted heavily into his drink. “You’re optimistic huh?”

“Ain’t like we’ll have that much to be debriefed about. Plus she can’t keep us for that long.” His easy grin faltered somewhat. “Right?”

“I’m sure it’ll be ok! Maybe you could grab something quickly?” Bluestreak was smiling hopefully. But if the time was correct, they wouldn’t make it on time. Ceder would probably still be eating which wasn’t allowed at debrief, and he was late often enough there were tabs kept on him. He had to behave.

“Eh whatever I’ll be fine. I’m way tougher than that.” Shrugging, Ceder shoved himself away from the table and took off towards the exit. “Get a lovely on Jojo, the wicked witch of the west will curse us if not!” He called back jokingly.

Grabbing his tray, Halloway sighed in light amusement. “He really likes to learn the hard way huh?” Glancing at Jack, he shook his head. In some ways he kinda felt sorry for the guy.

“It wouldn’t kill him to tone it down a bit.” Verity huffed, rotting around in her bag. “Don’t get me wrong confidence is good but that? Isn’t doing him any favours.” She hummed in success having found the right papers.

“I’m sure it’ll work out.” Setting his try on the rack he gave a small wave as he left, jogging to catch up with Ceder. He spotted Jazz settling next up Bluestreak before he left the mess hall.

Ceder would in fact regret his decision, of which he would mourn to whoever was closest while they were cleaning up. Jack had snuck him a granola bar in pity. Someone had texted him, pleading him to shut Ceder up.

Really it was his own fault. People should never underestimate the length of a debrief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if I’m doing well with characterisation. I’m still gonna try tho!
> 
> If it’s not clear the dudes full name is Joseph Halloway. Plus there’s also Ceder and Jackson. My sort of ocs? Idk
> 
> Nothing crazy happening this chapter. I guess it’s boring? Eh. Have fun anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I should be doing these in chapters. I don’t know if I’ll do many since there’s over 100 of the survival tips? But whatever. Here’s to fun, and hoping I can understand ao3 posting better!!
> 
> Also! I’m looking for a beta reader so if anyone wants to lend a hand I’d appreciate it :3


End file.
